Conversations with a five-year-old.

Conversations with a five-year-old.

Emily: "Mom, Daddy is looking at the girls on tv in ma-kinis!"

Me: "It's b-ikinis, hon."

Emily: (giggling) "Butt-kinis?"

Me: "No, B-ikinis."

Emily: "Butt-kinis! Butt-kinis!" (followed by dancing)

Me: (sigh) "Where's your father at?"

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While shopping...

Emily: "Does this diary have a lock on it?"

Me: "It looks like it."

Emily: "Good. I want to get this one then."

Me: "Why?"

Emily: "So, I can write about how much I love my boyfriend and Daddy can't read it."

Me: "And we're not even to your teenage years."

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While checking out at Walgreens...

Emily (to cashier):" When I grow up, I want to be a painter like my mommy."

Cashier: "How wonderful! Does she paint houses or pictures?"

Emily: "Pictures!"

Cashier: "How neat!"

Me: "Good thing I'm not a stripper."

Cashier: (nervous laugh) "Right."

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While shopping, once again...

Emily: "Grandma doesn't love me."

Me: "Why do you think that?"

Emily: "Because she didn't buy me a candy bar."

Me: "That doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Besides, I just bought you three toys."

Emily: "But, you didn't buy me a CANDY BAR!"

Me: "I really need to teach you the value of love before you start dating."