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Friday, October 9, 2009

Growing up- just quit it, already!

Yesterday, my oldest announced to me that she just bought an SUV. She went on her own, used her own money, and put the title and insurance in her own name. Yes, this is a big step for her but even a bigger step for me.

You see, everything that she has had has always been through us. Her present car that she still has is under our name and we make the payments and cover the insurance. We've had to use our name and age and experience to help her for many things and though I always complain that she needs to step out on her own, I still like having a bit of control of her. Her knowing that we could take the car back has always been a nice leverage to have to make her do the right thing or be responsible.

So, when she told me she was able to go make a major purchase on her own with no help from us, I was proud of her but at the same time, it sadden me to see her take another step towards adulthood and independence.

How does a parent deal with the tug-of-war of wanting their child to be independent but at the same time still their little girl?

I guess I can still have hope that some day, she'll want to buy a house and need to come to me for a down payment-Hmm, maybe that could give me the leverage of telling her that she can't let any dirt bag boyfriends move in. Oh the possibilities...

11 comments:

Creative Junkie said...

I actually can't wait for the day when I don't have to fork over cash all the time. I don't mind her depending on me for other things but a perpetual credit line is getting a little tiring. And mine's only a teenager.

eight helping hands said...

It is a Catch 22! You want them to grow up and then again you don't!
I get tired of doling out the cash when they extra spending money, but aren't willing to do a chore in exchange.
I sort of can't wait for them to be independent enough not to need material things from me.
However, they will always need us in some way.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I am so far off from that, I can't even imagine it!!

Jennifer said...

Ahahhaa! You are cracking me up! Being a parent now, yes, I hope she does need a down payment from you! Leverage indeed! ;-) LOL!

Veronica Lee said...

It'll be a while before I'm in this situation as my eldest is only 12.

LOL, leverage indeed!!

Have a great weekend, Tess!!

Ella Cne' said...

I'm 17 and a senior in high school, I'll be 18 this coming January and I can't wait to get out of my parents house and be on my own. I already have a full time job and still go to school and take 3 extra classespn my schedual. I bought a truck this past summer and I pay for it half and half with my brother. I also pay for my duel credit college classes. My parents have very little financial control over me now that I've had my job for a while and they don't want control. The day I graduate I am moving into my appartment that I will pay for for two months then I'm off to the college degree that I'll be working to pay off on my own. =] I'm excited...and more than a little bit scared. But I know I'll make it. =]

Hit 40 said...

I have never thought about loaning money for a down payment on a house. I plan to get them a decent car to see them through college. Then...

they are on their own!!! I appreciate the things that I have bought more than my sisters who always manage to get my parents to "loan" them $$. The "loans" have just led to more bogus loans. They need to both learn how to stand on their own.

Both my sisters have the money for what they want. But, they like to beg for what they need!!!

Jenjen @GottaLoveMom said...

Sometimes we just have to let go - not totally because there's still that invisible cord that's connecting us (mothers) to our children...

Buckeroomama said...

It's great that your girl's on her way to some sort of financial independence... but yes, I'd have mixed feelings about it, too, I'm sure when my turn comes. :)

Have a great weekend.

sheila said...

WOW, that is a big step. Ironically my husband and I were just talking about this issue when our daughter (in college) texted me yesterday to let me know her and her friends went on a little jaunt out of town.

I thought "OMG" she really DOESN"T need my permission! lol. Weird, just very very weird! lol.

Enjoy!

Helene said...

Uh, well, I'm just dreaming of the day where I don't have to fork out $200/month for diapers anymore!!!! But I imagine that one day I'll feel the same way.

You've obviously done something right, though....the fact that she's able to make a major purchase like that without any help from Mom or Dad says a lot about the way you've raised her!! So definitely pat yourself on the back for that!